Many new parents are constantly terrified that their baby is going to get hurt. If this describes you as a parent, I have good news! Babies are super resilient.
Super-Charged Immune System Let's start with their immune systems. I don't know about it, but if my hand touches any surface on a subway car, I will not touch my face with that hand until after I have washed it with soap. This is because I assume most subway cars are dusted with a light coating of feces. Meanwhile, your baby is crawling everywhere on her hands and the jamming said hands in her mouth constantly. And guess what... she's totally unfazed. Bendy Bones It's well known that babies bones are not fully hardened until sometime later on. This might be something that worries you. However, I can assure you that this is a feature rather than a bug. Like a carbon fiber hockey stick, the more bendy a bone is, the harder it is to break. It's the same reason that grandma and grandpa are constantly breaking their hip. Their bones are too stiff! Space Age Safety Devices When I was a baby, I am pretty sure car seats were considered inferior to mom's lap. For all we know, it's true. The science is still catching up. But assuming that the big baby companies haven't just made up all of these new-fangled safety devices to stick their hands in your pockets, your baby is a lot safer than I was as a baby. So, look there's no need to hover around the baby, making sure she never gets hurt. As you can clearly see, she's gonna be just fine.
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Before baby arrived on the scene, your puppy was number one in your life. And then baby showed up and puppy become a second class citizen at home. Poor puppy. He just wants you to throw the tennis ball. You know... like the good old pre-baby days. Why don't you love puppy anymore? I have good news for puppy, because baby is about to become your new best friend. First of all, 68% of baby's food will end up on the floor, and that's puppy's world. Puppy just got 68% less hungry! On top of that, even though it's going to take a good year, once baby is on her feet, puppy will have a new best friend with boundless energy to chase around the house! But let's be honest, the best part about having a new tiny human in the house is that baby doesn't follow the rules. We don't feed puppy table food? Baby does. We don't bark in the house? Baby doesn't care if you bark. The grown-ups are tired of playing in the back yard? Baby never gets tired! So be patient, puppy. It may feel like baby showed up and stole your thunder as the cutest resident of the house. But if you are patient, the two of you are going to forge an unstoppable partnership... like Batman and Robin. How embarrassing is it to be in a public place, and you just can’t get your baby to calm down and behave? She’s either crying or yelling or fussing. I’m sure this wouldn’t happen to me if I had a kid, but I see it all the time. Some parents just can’t seem to keep their baby under control. And once baby loses her shit, it’s all over. It’s nothing but fuss the whole flight to Orlando. There’s an easy solution to this. Benedryl! You know how you feel all spacey and out of it when you take Benedryl? Sometimes you even fall asleep! I like to bring a couple of Benedryl pills on a flight when I want to sleep. Well guess what… it has the same effect on your baby! And on to of that, your baby is way smaller than you, so it works even better. A spaced out baby doesn’t cry or fuss. She just more or less stares off into the distance. Problem solved! It’s pretty much the perfect solution to the problem of a fussy baby who doesn't want to cooperate. So, next time you are headed to the airport or to the DMV or to any other place where baby isn’t going to want to be there, hit her with a does of Benedryl. Now she’ll just be the cute, sleepy baby! And baby gets a nice nap. It’s a win-win-win. This blog is not affiliated with Benedryl or whatever company makes it, and they would probably rather I not give this off-label advice. I should also mention that I am not a doctor, nor do I have any medical training. I’m just a know-it-all. I take no responsibility for any consequences from you taking this advice. |
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AuthorAlthough I am not a recognized authority on child care, I expect to be recognized soon. Keep an eye on this space for news on that front. Meanwhile, feel free to soak up all of my sage advice on raising children. Archives
December 2018
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