Some parents will try and tell you that having a baby will turn your schedule upside down. I just don’t see why that should be the case. Babies are basically fully portable. You can bring your baby practically anywhere! You can bring your baby shopping. You can bring your baby to restaurants. You can bring your baby on the plane (there were tons of babies at ORD this morning). You can bring your baby to the bar. Seriously, where can’t you bring a baby? So, next time you are feeling like you have to skip something fun, just think to yourself “We can go see that movie, because I can bring the baby!”
There’s no question that you need to make sure that your baby knows you are the boss. There’s no better way to do that than to set extremely arbitrary rules for them to follow. The more incongruous and self-serving, the better! Your baby will definitely know you are in charge when they are forced to follow rules that they don’t understand!
For example, your baby might not want to wear those cute socks that you bought at Gap Kids. Nonsense! If she pulls those socks off, they’re going right back on. Over and over and over again. You’re the boss, after all, and baby is just going to have to deal. Another example is when baby gets fussy, because she hasn’t had her nap. You set the schedule, not baby! The best thing to do in that instance is to tell her to calm down and stop being fussy. Nearly nine out of ten times, that works perfectly fine. That other time, she probably just needs a diaper change. Remember, you are the boss! I could go on and on with examples of excellent and arbitrary rules you can set for your baby, but I think you get the gist. Feel free to comment below with your own ideas for silly rules you can make to show your baby whose really in charge. Chicks dig babies. That's a true fact. Any time there is a baby around, I make sure to get a picture of myself holding the baby and post it to Instagram. It's a license to print likes. And look, I'm not suggesting that you use your own baby to pick up women. That wouldn't be nice for your partner. You should get divorced before you do that.
But if you don't want to get divorced, you can still let your single friends use your baby to pick up women. Honestly, it's the least you can do. The best part of this arrangement is that you get free babysitting, and your baby gets a free lesson in how humans engage in courtship rituals. It's a win-win. |
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AuthorAlthough I am not a recognized authority on child care, I expect to be recognized soon. Keep an eye on this space for news on that front. Meanwhile, feel free to soak up all of my sage advice on raising children. Archives
December 2018
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